zeaui and bella

i've never really been a big animal lover, but i've had my share of dogs. it never works out though, and we end up giving them away. well when my zeaui passed away 6 months ago, i was looking for anything to make me feel better, and a friend of mine who breeds dogs said she just had puppies, and we could have one. i got very excited, not to replace my daughter with a dog, of course, but to have something to cuddle with and love on and give me a few smiles. well, when it came time to take the puppy, i saw that she had a brother that looked just like her...twins. i couldn't resist taking both of them for sentimental reasons. i know it may not sound healthy to some for me to get twin dogs b/c i no longer have twin babies, but when you lose a child, there is no telling what straws you will grasp at just to hold on to your sanity. i named them bella and baldwin. well, yesterday, bella got run over right in front of our house. the people didn't even stop even though we were all outside...they just kept going. what made it harder was that she didn't die immediately, so she had to suffer for about 30 minutes before she finally passed. we tried to call the vet and their personal number, but couldn't get a hold of anyone, so mark was going to do it himself. i couldn't stand the thought of him doing it, but i really couldn't stand letting her lie in the garage suffering. by the time he got the stuff ready to do it, she had passed on her own. i'm sad that she's gone...even sadder that she suffered, but thankful that mark didn't have to "take her to the country". micah said it best when she said, "it's just like adding insult to injury". it would still be sad had i not lost my zeaui, but given the situation, bella held a very special place in my heart. she was given to me as a gift in hopes that she would bring some joy in my life when everything else is so horribly wrong, and now she's gone. we buried her on mark's dad's land last night. ashton doesn't really understand, but even he notices how sad baldwin is without her. he says, "mommy, he cwyin'. whas wong? mommy, he cwyin'". i miss my bella, and even more, i miss my zeaui.